Hatman: Quest For Completion Chapter Three
A Little Help From My Friends
I finish reading the note Isaac brought me from his mother. Turns out her supervisor at the Post Office had stolen my Hatility Belt, which is my first and only lead. I put my shirt back on over the bandages Reverend Mac Fleetwood has placed over my wounds from my battle with Gamona.
“Thanks a lot Isaac.” The boy nods his head in acknowledgement, as he cannot verbally convey the ‘you’re welcome’.
“You be careful out there.” Mac Fleetwood cautions me as he hands me my cape. I reaffix it to my shirt overtop my temporary backpack, completing my uniform. “So you’re done with the Messenger bully tactics then?”
I notice the disapproving look on Mac’s face as he says this. He’s not terribly happy that I resorted to removing my uniform and scaring the information out of my would-be informants.
“Hopefully. I think an official visit to the Post Office as Hatman is in order. I want to talk to that supervisor.” I also note the worried expression on Isaac’s face. “Don’t worry Isaac, I won’t tell them where I got my information from.”
Mac doesn’t seem overjoyed at my answer, but he accepts it for now. “Just remember something. The Hatility Belt doesn’t define who you are, it’s just a possession.”
“It’s more than that to me, Mac. And besides that, it could be dangerous in the wrong hands.”
“Dangerous? How?”
“A person could smuggle pretty much anything they wanted with it. Drugs, weapons, money. A single man could easily carry an entire shipment of drugs around right in front of any law enforcement agency on the planet. You could waltz into the United Nations with a nuke in your back pocket with it.”
“Alright, alright, I understand that. Just remember not to go too far; you’ll regret it if you do.”
“Thanks Mac. I’ll keep that in mind.” Giving a slight wave to Isaac as I leave, I walk out the door and rummage through my backpack for a means of transportation.*
As I pull out my Toronto Blue Jays cap to fly to the Post Office, my Lair Legion Communicard starts to buzz insistently. I hurriedly pull it from my pocket; it must be something very serious for Mumphrey to summon me, seeing as how he approved my time away from the team to pursue my Belt.
“Hatman here, go ahead.”
“Dude, where you at? You’re supposed to be picking up my mom for your date in 10 minutes!” The grinning visage of CrazySugarFreakBoy! fills the small viewscreen in the top left corner of the Communicard.
“What? Dream, I told you, I am NOT going on a date with your mom!!”
“Since when has dating an older woman bothered you?”
“Dammit Dream, I told you, I do not want to get into a relationship with your mother!”
“Who said anything about a relationship? She just offered to take you out to show you a good time, help you work off some frustrations, y’know? She even said that some of the girls at work would be willing to help out as well…”
“NO!!! I do not, as you so put it, need to get back on the horse, Dream!** All I need to do right now is find my Hatility Belt! That means I don’t need you to set me up on dates, I don’t need you pressuring me to get back into date mode, and I certainly do not want nor need a mercy-jump*** from your mother!”
“How goes the quest, by the way? You need back-up? Say the word and I‘m the Bold to your Brave!” The way CSFB! can jump from subject to subject can be quite frustrating sometimes, but for now it’s getting me away from the topic of dating his mother which is fine with me.
“I survived a one-on-one with Gamona, which is a plus.”
“Did you ask for her number? Green chicks are hot!”
I just ignore the last question. Sometimes selective hearing is a necessity to dealing with CFSB!.
“I’ve got a lead I’m following up on right now, and no, I don’t need back-up. Just…just let me focus on this.”
“Gotcha, feeling inadequate about your equipment. I’ll tell Mom the sitch and that you’ll reschedule. Good luck partner!”
“Dream!!” It’s too late, he’s gone, and apparently I have an upcoming date with a porn star. Not quite sure how I’ll explain that one to Mac.
I arrive at the Post Office and ask if the supervisor, a Bill Roedef, is available. I take a seat at the receptionists request as she attempts to reach Roedef. After a brief conversation she calls me back to the desk.
“I’m sorry sir, Mr. Roedef is unavailable for the remainder of the day. Would you care to make an appointment for tomorrow?” The impression I’m getting is that Roedef is avoiding me, but it doesn’t bother me that much.
“You did tell him who was looking to see him?”
“I did, sir, but he says he’s just too busy.”
“I see. May I use your phone for a moment? It’s local, I promise.”
The receptionist seems slightly bemused by the request but hands it to me. I smile and thank her as I punch in the number.
“Hey Asil, it’s Hatman. Can you put me through to Mr. Epitome’s office please?” After a few moments the paragon of power comes on the line. “Dominic, it’s Hatman. I need a favour.” After a brief explanation, I hand the phone over to the receptionist. “It’s for you.”
The receptionist takes the phone hesitantly and presses it to her ear. After a few moments, she disconnects and then calls Roedef again. “Mr. Roedef, I just received orders from the Office of Paranormal Security specifying that you cooperate with Mr., umm, Hatman’s investigation. Yes sir, we are required by law to abide by the OPS’ request, they are a federally operated organization. Yes sir, I’ll show him right in.” The receptionist replaced the phone in it’s cradle.
“Please follow me.” She rose from the desk and led me through a few corridors to Roedef’s office. She stopped outside the door. “Here you are, sir.”
“Thank you very much for your help.” I smile reassuringly at her, but she hurries away anyway; I think that contact with a superhero and powerful government organization all in one day maxed out her weirdness meter.
I knock sharply on the door and enter. Seated behind the desk is a nervous looking man in his late forties sporting glasses and a bad comb-over, a stack of paperwork before him. He looks up at me and glares.
“Hatman, is it? What is it that was so important you felt the need to have the government breathe down my neck?” I can’t say I care for his tone.
“Mr. Roedef, I have reason to believe you personally intercepted a package bound for Canada sent by the Lair Legion. That package holds something very important to me, and I’m here to ask you where it is.”
“I did no such thing!”
“Mr. Roedef, please don’t force me to rip the information I’m seeking from your mind. It’s not a pleasant experience.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Sure I can. I like to call it a Hat-Meld.”
“You’re bluffing!”
“Try me.”
I really hope he doesn’t call my bluff. I don’t see any hats in the office, and I can’t take the time to try it without rendering him unconscious, which would get me and Mr. Epitome in trouble. I really have no intention of attempting it anyway; I’m hoping the man doesn’t realize the extent of my powers. Dream once showed an example of this lack of knowledge working to the hero’s advantage in a Spider-Man comic.****
The man looks nervously around the office, afraid to meet my gaze. I notice he keeps glancing over at a bookshelf against the south wall. “Something of interest over there?”
“No, nothing, nothing at all! Please, don’t make me, he’ll kill me!” He’s really scared now, and it has nothing to do with me.
“Mr. Roedef, please, tell me what you know. I can help you.”
“No you can’t! I’m as good as dead! We…we have to get out of here!”
My unasked question of ‘why?’ is answered when the bomb goes off.
To be continued…
Footnotes
*This paragraph has been edited to allow for the mass-retcon of the Children of the Night characters and series.
**Dream began his quest to find Hatman a new flame after his long-term relationship with Sorceress ended in Untold Tales of the Lair Legion #163: “Together Again For The First Time” by the Hooded Hood
***You must see Jersey Girl. Great movie from where I stole the term.
****Spider-Man once managed to get rid of the Human Torch when he told him his “spider-sonic hearing” picked up a distress call from the Fantastic Four; he needed to get rid of the Torch and he figured since the Torch didn’t know the extent of his powers he’d make one up. The issue number escapes me at the moment, unfortunately.
